Sunday, April 17, 2011
Descriptive Paragraph
Smoke wafted into my nostrils, causing me to cough. Suddenly, the sound of a gunshot resounded. The general standing beside me fell to the ground. Blood splashed out from his wound onto my face, then flowed down his cheek continuously and dripped onto his uniform. Bending down to support him, I wiped off the blood off my face and managed to hear him mutter a few words of gratitude to God and his family. After he breathed his last, his head fell to one side. I held back a few tears, thinking back of the encouragement he had given me and I took off his helmet. My fellow soldier beside me was literally shell-shocked. He stared blankly into space, possibly wondering when the same thing would happen to himself. I clasped my hand around his, feeling coldness and lack of life in him. Spurred on by my general's death, I stood up and charged towards the enemies.
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Hi Nathanael :D
ReplyDeleteGood descriptive paragraph :D
You used a lot of descriptive phrases and much of the 5 senses that allowed me to paint a vivid image in my mind.
However, I felt that you could have described the surroundings/settings better because I am unsure where this scene is held in.
All in all, good work! It invoked feelings in me and I could feel the sad atmosphere of the situation, which was further magnified through the contrasting emotions at the ending, where the soldier was spurred on by the death. My heart went out to the soldier at that point.
Good job :D